Saturday, April 21, 2007

moving on up

believe it or not, i have less side effects on 20 mg of the speed than i did on 10.

odd.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

shrink visit

love the new psychiatrist. love him. down to earth, doesn't freak on my job, has a sense of humor, listens to my concerns about meds.

so we're starting on celexa, which in the same class of drugs as prozac. i've had some bad side effects with prozac (most alarmingly, limp willie syndrome), so we'll see how this goes.

so, he also thinks i show classic symptoms of adhd, which doesn't surprise me at all.

but the treatment.

oh.

my.

FUCKING.

god.

he gave me speed.

he gave me lots of it.

and he gave me permission to self-adjust.

whoa. i wasn't a speed junkie, i was a plain old alcoholic. holy motherfucking crap, where was this shit when i was using? you can get this from a DOCTOR? and it's CHEAP!

and i'm not even on a big dose. i'm on 10 mg. this says that the max dose is 3/4mg per 1 lb body weight. for me that would be over 180mg (cuz, you know, i be fat)! my brain would explode if my chattering teeth weren't driven through my eyeballs first.

wow.

so we'll see how this goes, but i'll definitely go back to the shrink. we may have to talk about this speed thing, but i do like him.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

wtf

so where have i been.

i quit writing a few months ago mostly because i've been frustrated and depressed, and i feel pretty strongly that the nobody reading my blog wants to read about my depression and misery all the time. when i write like that it comes across as so much whining.

so, i'm still alive and i'm less depressed. somewhat.

i've started with a shrink again. only had two sessions but we'll see. have an appt pending with a new psychiatrist as well. i hate depakote -- the shit is physically too large and makes me gag.