today marks 12 years of continuous sobriety for me.
it's been a long time since i've been to a meeting, for a lot of reasons, mostly comfort. i skipped birthday night last year, contrary to my custom, and i didn't go at all today, also contrary to my custom. the last meeting i went to turned into a funeral for somebody in the group who'd died that day or the day before. where they needed to be i guess, but i hadn't been to that group in a decade and had never heard of the guy. it wasn't a terribly enlightening meeting, and it was a smoking group so i left in some pretty serious ocular pain.
in some ways i'd like to go back, because i frequently find comfort there. on the other hand, i've reached enough years where people sometimes look to me like i'm the goddamned oracle of bill. plus, given my militant anti-christian bent, i frequently find myself at odds with the jesus freaks in the group who are certain that the book outlines the one true path to sobriety and his name is geeezhus!
i meant to go when i went to vegas and san francisco, and simply didn't have the physical energy after 14 hours of stomping around the city. i have tried the online stuff, and got involved with the oiaa some years back. i gave up, since it all wound up being too political and about power and rules, not about sobriety. i'll admit to my part in the games, and i now have neither the time nor the energy. but i'll be thrilled to bleed on you nonetheless, if you ask.
"The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us."
-- Paul ValÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â©ry, 1895
(thanks to the usenet oracle for the quote.)