Tuesday, March 28, 2006

both infertiles can come back

hcg levels are down to the 70s today, so the pregnancy has failed. part of the game for us, but sue is relieved. i am disappointed but by no means crushed.

there's always tertia.

Friday, March 24, 2006

pregnancy update

hcg is ~250, according to what she heard from the nurse. so far, so good, but as any infertile knows, there's a long, long road from here.

is this good? well, it's not bad. unexpected perhaps, but not bad. we weren't wasting anything like cecily did, but considering that she has only one tube, and it's filled with scar tissue (and nothing happened for the 18 years after the surgeries that did it, also never wasting it with her previous husband or boyfriends before me) ... what was going to happen?

nothing, right?

yes, tertia. a million. actually, this would make a million and one. you're next.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

with apologies

i can only offer my humblest apologies to all two infertiles left reading this blog now. the picture below was produced using no artificial colorings, flavorants, or pio injections. we even skipped the trigger shot. just good old fashioned umph.

pee on a stick

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

what not to say

got back from a weekend trip to west texas, where my mother's family celebrated her father's 80th birthday. we schlepped the kids out there and in general had a decent time.

i would, however, like to express something that i had to bite my tongue over.

she muttered something about ian dropping her daughter's electronic toy several times. i did not say what i thought.

i wanted to say something like: ian is autistic. i'm sorry he has fine- and gross-motor deficits, which causes him to have trouble holding things. and he's also got a speech delay, which causes him to be unable to say stuff like "i'm sorry." now, i'm not getting all upset at your little brat who keeps pestering me to count her stupid poker chips, telling me that they're pieces of carrot and she's a rabbit, while i'm busy talking to someone i haven't seen in five years. but obviously my child's deficiencies are repugnant to you, so next time we come out here i'll put him in the corner with a dunce cap and make him hold a sign that says tard warning - keep away. would that make you happy, bitch?

but i didn't. i kept it civil. but i was not sorry to see the backside of that woman.

Monday, March 6, 2006

yet another

today marks 12 years of continuous sobriety for me.

it's been a long time since i've been to a meeting, for a lot of reasons, mostly comfort. i skipped birthday night last year, contrary to my custom, and i didn't go at all today, also contrary to my custom. the last meeting i went to turned into a funeral for somebody in the group who'd died that day or the day before. where they needed to be i guess, but i hadn't been to that group in a decade and had never heard of the guy. it wasn't a terribly enlightening meeting, and it was a smoking group so i left in some pretty serious ocular pain.

in some ways i'd like to go back, because i frequently find comfort there. on the other hand, i've reached enough years where people sometimes look to me like i'm the goddamned oracle of bill. plus, given my militant anti-christian bent, i frequently find myself at odds with the jesus freaks in the group who are certain that the book outlines the one true path to sobriety and his name is geeezhus!

i meant to go when i went to vegas and san francisco, and simply didn't have the physical energy after 14 hours of stomping around the city. i have tried the online stuff, and got involved with the oiaa some years back. i gave up, since it all wound up being too political and about power and rules, not about sobriety. i'll admit to my part in the games, and i now have neither the time nor the energy. but i'll be thrilled to bleed on you nonetheless, if you ask.

"The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us."
-- Paul Valéry, 1895

(thanks to the usenet oracle for the quote.)